i need You more... more than EVER before

'I need You more, more than yesterday
I need You more, more than words can say
I need You more, than ever before
I need You Lord...'


'More than the air I breathe,
more than the song that I sing,
more than the next heart beat,
more than anything.
Lord as time goes by, I'll be by your side
cos I never want to go back to my old life'








This song wrecked me yesterday as I began to truly understand what these lyrics truly meant.


'I need You more, than EVER before....'


what if life is going really well? and it seems like I don't really 'need' God? 
why do I sing that I need Him more than ever? more than yesterday? more than my next breath and next heartbeat?


THIS is why:
because when we're good, as humans we think it only natural to fall back down when we're on a high mountain top, because we've reached the top and there's not another mountain peak to climb up to and the only way is to go down so we stop trying.
But with God, He is eternal. it takes eternity to get to know Him which is why we have Heaven after death, so that we can spend our eternal life with Him in Heaven to get to know Him.
So that means though we FEEL like we're good with God and everything is going well and we're on a spiritual peak, we need Him MORE THAN EVER, MORE THAN YESTERDAY so that we won't fall down.


My past two years as a Christian after finding God has been a constant, tedious cycle. I was just so thick to realise that it was a cycle and do anything to change.
It went something like this: spiritual high and i'm good with God, then came my fall and I'd hit rock bottom and become desperate for Him and look for answers, then out of God's graciousness and His mercy, He wouldn't punish me, but instead bring me into His arms again, then another spiritual high, then another fall then..... a constant cycle.


I don't want to be on that constant cycle anymore. and with this song, I finally realised why I need Him more. We can NEVER have enough. If we think we've had enough and we're good with God, that's an indication that we're on a road going downhill away from Him, because we're starting to forget about His goodness and we really need him more. 


Psalm 106:19-23 says
19 They made a calf in Horeb and worshiped a metal image. 20 They exchanged the glory of God for the image of an ox that eats grass. 21 They forgot God, their Savior, who had done great things in Egypt, 22 wondrous works in the land of Ham, and awesome deeds by the Red Sea. 
23Therefore he (God) said he would destroy them-- had not Moses, his chosen one, stood in the breach before him, to turn away his wrath from destroying them.


Lord, thank you for being so good to me. 
Lord help me to stop repeating this lifeless cycle in my spiritual walk with you. When I do start to get comfortable with you and think we're all good and I stop wanting more of you and stop seeking you, remind me of how good you have been to me. Help me to never forget your goodness so that I will never stop worshipping and return to my old life of living a life in this constant cycle. I want to break free from this. Lord help me. Create a greater zeal inside of me for more intimacy with you. 
Become more in my life and make me less, for I am merely dust. You are good. You are soooooo good. In JESUS' almighty name, Amen.